Clarabell's Big Surprise
"Clarabell's Big Surprise" is the third episode of the second series of Sweet Sow, and the seventh overall. Plot While staying at their hotel room in Rome, the floating disembodied head of Robert Raccoon appears and invites Peppa and Mummy Pig over to a "press conference" in Lemington that revolves around Clarabell the Clown's biggest, untold secret. They visit the headquarters of Ezaccess, where the special event is being hosted. Everyone's up for a surprise... Script (Peppa Pig and her mother are inside their hotel room in Rome.) Mummy Pig: I want my tenth bottle of vodka. Peppa: (singing) Hello from the other- Mummy Pig: For fuck's sake! All I want is a bottle of vodka. (The hitchhiker appears in a Butler outfit.) Hitchhiker: Hey, hey hey! Voice: (offscreen) Bill Cosby was an actual serial rapist. Mummy Pig: That's not actually true. Those are false rumors, like the ones with Jimmy Savile. Voice: (offscreen) What? (passes a giant poop) HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEY!!!! Mummy Pig: The truth hurts so much, you just passed a Fat Albert. By the way, Uncle Jimmy was a good person, unlike that imposter, Marvey Harvey. Voice: (offscreen) Nope. You're the imposter. Mummy Pig: Die. (Mummy Pig uses her laser-shooting eyes to kill whoever's speaking.) Peppa: Let's watch TV. Robert Raccoon: (offscreen) Hold up! Peppa: Who are you? (The floating disembodied head of Robert Raccoon appears.) Robert Raccoon: It's me, Robert Raccoon. Mummy Pig: What do you want Robbie? Robert Raccoon: Come over to the Ezaccess headquarters in Lemington for a very special event. Mummy Pig: Will there be vodka? Robert Raccoon: No, unfortunately. Hitchhiker: I have five unopened bottles of vodka. You can have it, if you want them. Mummy Pig: Yes, please. (The hitchhiker hands over the five bottles of vodka to Mummy Pig.) Mummy Pig: Thanks. Now we can go. Robert Raccoon: Anyway, it's a press conference in which Clarabell the Clown will reveal his deepest, darkest secret. Mummy Pig: Fantastic! When is it? Robert Raccoon: Right now. Peppa: Mummy, who's Clarabell? Mummy Pig: Jimmy. Savile. Peppa Pig: Tell the truth. I'm pretty sure he's not Jimmy. Voice: (singing) Horrid- Mummy Pig: I was only being sarcastic. Peppa: Oh. Robert Raccoon: Can we go? Mummy Pig: Sure. Voice: (offscreen) Sweet Sow is canceled! Mummy Pig: Just fuck off. Voice: (offscreen) Fine. (Mummy Pig shoots the voice with her laser-shooting eyes.) Robert Raccoon: Let's go! (They are teleported near the Ezaccess shed in the Lemington neighborhood of Seatown. But this time, Robert is no longer a floating head.) Mummy Pig: Where's Clarabell? (Robert looks around the place.) Robert Raccoon: Oh no. Mummy Pig: What's going on? Robert Raccoon: I was trying to search for him. Sorry, but I don't know where he is right now. Voice: (offscreen) I'm right here. Robert Raccoon: Oh, man! I totally forgot to bring an octagon. Mummy Pig: Is this how you summon him? Robert Raccoon: No. Lenny Cat: Hi-ya, Robbie and visitors. I'm Lenny and I sunk Hogland. Peppa: Why aren't you in jail then? Lenny Cat: Excuse me? (All of a sudden, Lenny gets grabbed by large robot arms.) Lenny Cat: La-de-da-de-dum, what's the name of that song? Robot: Prepare to face capital punishment, as a result of sinking down Hogland. Voice: (offscreen) Hell no. The robot is the one who actually deserves capital punishment. Robot: You too. (The robot grabs whoever tries to cancel the show.) Geckel Homus: (singing) Horrid heart and graphic high. How divine- Robot: I will self destruct in three seconds. Three, two, one. (explodes) Mummy Pig: That arse hole who tried to cancel our show is dead. Thank goodness. Clarabell: Hey-o! It's me, Clarabell the Clown. I can talk, which has been obvious for about sixty years. Mummy Pig: Nonce. Clarabell: I ain't no nonce, Gary Glitter was. Mummy Pig: Non- Peppa: Toby J. Rathjen is also attending the press conference for some reason. Voice: (offscreen) OH GOD! Toby: Stop calling me a monkey. I AM NOT A FUCKING MONKEY. NOW STOP! Clarabell: Step inside! Toby: Am I a monkey? Yes or no. Voice: (offscreen) I know I can't see yiff if I'm under 18, but what can I say, I'm a teenager, and I think it's normal if I wa- Toby: ANSWER MY GOD DAMN QUESTION! AM I A FUCKING FATASS MONKEY? YES OR NO. Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) Fine! Yes. Toby: I AM NOT A MONKEY! I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU IF YOU SAY I'M A FATASS MONKEY AGAIN! UNDERSTAND, SIR? Timothy Stanton: (offscreen) You know what? I'm a 17-year-old college freshman! Mummy Pig: No, I am. Clarabell: In other words, my secret is very true and important. Peppa: Are you gay? Are you a furry? Are you possessed? Are you drunk? Voice: (offscreen) I like watching yiff, even if it's for adults, that's my pref... Mummy Pig: Peppa, do you drink vodka? Peppa: Of course, not. Mummy Pig: Well you should. Peppa: Why? I'm only six years old. Mummy Pig: You're 210 years-old, as I'm 550 years-old. It's true, yes indeed. Peppa: The fuck? Voice: (imitating Marvey Harvey) Sleep, children, sleep. Category:Sweet Sow episodes Category:Fanon